We soon learned Cobain had been dead for two days or more. Now it was apparent that someone had been trying to use his missing credit card since the time he left Los Angeles to return to Seattle. Someone also attempted to use that same card after Cobain died!
I called the Seattle homicide detectives and tried to tell them something was wrong. The detective told me Kurt was locked in the room by himself. He said the door was locked from the inside and the fire department had to break a window on the door to get in, inferring that Cobain had to have been alone in the greenhouse when he died. I assumed they must know what they're talking about, but I was curious about what kind of door lock this was.
I spoke to Courtney on the phone that afternoon. She wasn't at all upset that we hadn't found Kurt. She acted as if she thought Kurt died the night before. If so, we could have saved him if we'd found him in time! Why wasn't she angry at us?
Courtney tried to get me to talk to the press. I told her I didn't want to say anything until I found out more about what happened. This whole thing smelled really rotten!
I left Seattle and flew back to Los Angeles.
Return To Seattle
Wednesday, April 13th.
I met with Courtney's entertainment attorney, Rosemary Carroll, at her Hollywood office. She indicated that she was suspicious about Courtney's involvement in Kurt's death.
"He wasn't suicidal, Tom. Kurt wasn't suicidal!" Rosemary blurted with a deep sigh.
Rosemary told me that Courtney had called her "a couple of weeks ago" and asked her to find "the meanest, most vicious divorce lawyer" she could find. Courtney also asked Rosemary if the prenuptial agreement could be voided.
Rosemary then told me that Kurt had also called during that same time period. According to Rosemary, Kurt hadn't completed his will yet. He told Rosemary he wanted Courtney taken out of it.
Rosemary indicated she was disturbed and somewhat suspicious that Courtney wouldn't let her or anyone else see the so-called "suicide note." I mentioned to Rosemary that Courtney said she couldn't go to Seattle herself because she "had business in L.A."
"She didn't have any business in L.A.!" Rosemary snapped.
During our meeting, Rosemary also told me that on Thursday morning, while Courtney was at her house talking to Dylan Carlson on the phone, she overheard Courtney say, "Be sure and check the greenhouse."
Since Courtney directed Dylan to check the greenhouse, I couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't asked Cali to check the greenhouse in the past few days.
We now know that after talking to Dylan on the phone Thursday morning, Courtney left Rosemary Carroll's house and went back to the Peninsula Hotel. A short while later, she called 911. First reports have Courtney overdosing again. She was later arrested. Rosemary has since shown me evidence that Courtney's "arrest" may have been a deliberately planned event.
As Rosemary and I concluded our meeting, we both agreed it would be best for me to return to Seattle to further investigate Cobain's death. Rosemary, however, was adamant that Courtney should not be told of the private discussions we were having regarding the suspicious circumstances and events surrounding Kurt's so-called "suicide."
6:30 PM
I flew back to Seattle and checked into a hotel. The next day I went to the Lake Washington house. A security guard at the house let me in and I found Courtney sitting at the dining room table. As I approached and sat down to talk, she said, "I guess I really found the right P.I. this time." The flattery was nice, but it didn't make much sense.
After a short conversation, Courtney got up to get a cigarette and a lady walked over to where I was sitting. She was wearing a black T-shirt that read, "Grunge Is Dead." I assumed she was a relative of Kurt's, maybe a sister or cousin. She stood in front of me and asked, "You're the investigator?" I nodded while she continued, "What do you think?"
Not knowing who she was, I replied, "I don't know. What do you think?"
She answered by introducing herself. "Well, I'm Kurt's mom, Wendy. I don't know. Something doesn't seem right. Why didn't Dylan look in the greenhouse?"
I noticed Courtney looking over her shoulder as Wendy and I talked. She seemed to be concerned about our conversation. I told Wendy I'd like to talk to her at length some time in the next few days. She agreed and said she'd like to talk to me too. As Courtney walked back towards us Wendy began walking away. Courtney put her arms around Wendy and kissed her. I noticed Courtney whispering something in Wendy's ear. The rest of the time I was at the house, Wendy seemed cool towards me, almost evasive.
I had to see the "Note"
Courtney took me upstairs where we sat on her bed and talked. Since she hadn't even let her close friend Rosemary Carroll see the so-called "suicide note," I had to come up with a way to get a copy for myself in order to examine it in detail.
"I heard you read the note on TV the other day," I commented. "I was confused about something. It sounded like the note said, 'I'm lying here on the bed. . .' If Kurt was lying on the bed when he wrote the note, why was the bed was so neat when I came in here the other night? It didn't look like anyone had been on this bed."
"No, Tom, I was lying on the bed," Courtney answered and repeated, "I was lying on the bed recording the message to Kurt's fans."
"Are you sure that's what you said? " I asked. "I got the impression it was Kurt saying he was lying on the bed."
"No. Here, I'll show you," she said, and reached over to retrieve a folded paper from under a pillow. Handing me the note, Courtney pointed out, "It's only a copy. The police have the original."
I studied the note as if looking for the phrase in question, then commented, "I can't read this without my glasses. Can I go downstairs and make a copy on your fax machine? I'll look at it later."
"Yeah...sure," Courtney mumbled as her eyes dropped out of an icy stare. When I came back up, Courtney was kneeling on the floor looking in a phone book. A telephone was on the floor next to her. "Would you wait downstairs, Tom?" she growled. A few minutes earlier she was friendly--now she was obviously irritated!
Our Trip to Carnation
Later that day we made plans to go to the Carnation property. Courtney told me Eric Erlandson, (guitarist in Courtney's band "Hole"), was going with us. A short time later Courtney took Eric into another room to talk. When they came out, Eric left the house alone in his van.
"I thought Eric was going with us?" I asked.
"He'll meet us there," Courtney replied.
We left the house followed by a couple of television news vans which had been staked out at the Cobain residence. Losing the vans after a few blocks, I drove Courtney to the Carnation property with Kat Bjelland, (a long-time friend of Courtney's and guitarist for Babes In Toyland), in the back seat of my rental car.
As we drove, Courtney began talking about the "son of a bitch" who gave the story to the Associated Press saying she had overdosed on April 2nd. She appeared agitated as she grumbled, "I'm going to find out who the hell it was and sue that mother f...er for libel. I can prove I was at the hotel. People saw me there. It was a total lie."
"You told me you planted that story," I reminded Courtney.
"Huh?...Oh" she responded, and turned to look out the window.
During the drive Courtney wanted to stop twice for snacks. We also missed the turn off when Courtney couldn't remember which road to take. Temporarily lost, we stopped to solicit directions from a nearby farmer. I learned later that one of the houses on the property had just been built. Courtney must have been out there several times while the house was under construction. Certainly she knew how to get there. It actually seemed she was deliberately delaying our arrival for some reason.
Arriving at the Carnation property, I noticed the two houses on the property reflected what I'd already come to know about Kurt and Courtney's individual personalities. One was an old weathered cabin full of well used furniture and bedding. It looked like the home of a person living in poverty! This is where Kurt apparently felt the most comfortable.
The other house is a brand new wood sided mansion, vacant and yet to be furnished. This house was an "exhibition" of success and wealth.
The two houses are separated by a pond with a newly constructed walking bridge connecting the old to the new.
We went into the old cabin first. Courtney and Kat went upstairs to the loft while I stayed downstairs to look around. I noticed a jacket and other clothing spread around the living room and on the floor near the coffee table was a large box containing nothing but Rolling Stone magazines, about thirty or so.
Courtney tried to convince me Kurt had been to the Carnation property after he returned to Seattle from the rehab in Los Angeles. But as I looked around the old cabin, I noticed everything was covered with a very thin layer of moss due to the humid weather in Carnation. The presence of the moss indicated no one had disturbed anything in this cabin for quite some time.
When Courtney and Kat came back downstairs, Courtney reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a cloth pouch. "Look Tom. Kurt was here," she said, as she opened the pouch revealing a syringe inside.
Why would he have left a syringe here? I thought to myself. And what about the moss all over everything? I was having a hard time believing Kurt had been here.
As we continued looking around the old cabin, Kat suddenly screamed. Courtney and I ran to find her in the bathroom looking into the toilet. There were five dead rats inside! It looked like they'd been there for quite some time.
Now it was obvious no one had used this cabin recently! I suspected Courtney brought the pouch containing the syringe with her.
In the new house we found a sleeping bag, some cigarette butts, and soda cans scattered about. Courtney asked me to gather these items up to take back with us. She said she wanted to get them fingerprinted.
Eric didn't show up at the Carnation property while we were there. Had he come and gone before we arrived?
We left the Carnation property and headed back to the Lake Washington house. During the drive back Courtney told Kat and I that she was going to make a rubber hand from a cast she'd made of Kurt's hand. She said she was going to use it to slap people in the face and say, "There! That's from Kurt!"
I mentioned I'd worked with hand casts and told her fingerprints could even be duplicated using a silicon material to fill the mold. Courtney appeared somewhat discouraged, as if something just went wrong. I never heard any more about printing the items found at the Carnation property.
Had this been part of a plan to convince me and others that Kurt had been to the Carnation property after leaving the rehab in Los Angeles? Did Courtney accidentally reveal her scheme by saying too much?
At one point Courtney talked to narcotics Detective Antonio Terry on my car phone. I later learned she'd been talking to Terry quite a lot during the time Kurt was missing. Detective Terry was even mentioned in the missing person's report as having additional information about Kurt.
Remember Detective Terry's name--it will come up again later.
Conversations during the drive indicated Courtney was still thinking more about her herself than about Kurt. She seemed to be obsessed with her career.
While Courtney was out of the car at one time, I heard radio commentator, Paul Harvey, talk about a rumored suicide pact which supposedly existed between Courtney and Kurt. This was typical of the type of planted stories I'd heard Courtney originate on her own and then blame others for leaking to the press.
I wondered if there was a connection between Courtney's fake "overdose" Saturday night and her possible deliberate overdose and arrest Thursday morning. Had she expected Kurt to die Saturday night? Had she expected us to find his body Thursday morning? Had she tried to make this look like a suicide pact?
Obstructing The Investigation.
Back at the house, I told Courtney I'd like to talk to Cali and Dylan together. Courtney replied, "Cali went to rehab in El Paso, or Georgia... no, he's in L.A. with friends." Then she shouted to Eric, "Call Cali and tell him to get back up here on the next plane."
Dylan arrived at the house while I was in the kitchen. When I came out and started looking for him, I was told he was upstairs talking to Courtney in her bedroom. They came downstairs together after about twenty minutes. It was obvious Dylan had just gotten a heroin fix.
I took Dylan into the kitchen to talk. As I began questioning him, I noticed his response was canned as if he'd just been prepared and rehearsed. Dylan kept nodding off from the heroin. There was no sense in continuing.
I left the house and asked Eric to call my hotel when Cali got there. After several hours, I called and spoke to Eric. He told me that after I left, Courtney had him call Cali and tell him he didn't have to come to Seattle. Eric said, "I don't know what's going on here!"
Saturday, April 16th.
Ben Klugman had flown to Seattle the day before to work with me. Ben and I went back to the Lake Washington house to talk to Courtney. The lady who answered the door told us Courtney was upstairs sleeping. I asked her if Wendy was there. She said Wendy was downstairs. I asked the lady to let Wendy know I was there and to ask her if we could talk.
The lady left but returned a minute or two later. "Wendy says she has nothing to talk to you about," she said.
We left the house and after following up on some other leads, Ben and I returned to our hotel. The electrical supervisor who had been at the scene of Kurt's death met with Ben and I later in my hotel room. He described the position of the body and the shotgun. He also told us, "Kurt's hair looked like it had been combed by a hairdresser. It was all spread out nice and even."
I realized this could just be one man's perception of what he thought he saw while under stress, but I wanted to see the police photographs to see what he was talking about.
We later learned Courtney called the electrical contractors on Wednesday, April 6th, before I had agreed to fly to Seattle, and instructed them to begin work on the lights and motion detector on the greenhouse! Did she know Kurt was inside? Was she trying to get the body discovered? It just all seemed a little strange!
Document Exam - Not Credible
I had faxed off several documents, including a copy of the "suicide note," to two separate document examiners in Los Angeles. The document examiners later told me, based on the photocopies they had examined, it was their opinion Courtney wrote the letter left on the stairs, not Cali.
This explanation wasn't logical. Courtney was still in Beverly Hills when this note showed up on the stairs. Why would Courtney write a note and make it look like Cali had written it? Why not just tell Cali what to write?
If the document examiners were right, something very unusual was going on here. Still, I found their conclusions hard to believe.
My Meeting with the Police
April 15th
One week after Cobain's body was found, I went to the Seattle police station and met with Sgt. Cameron, the lead homicide investigator assigned to the Cobain case.
Items discussed with Sgt. Cameron included:
Numerous inconsistencies and contradictions in logic...
The missing credit card and continued activity on the card after Kurt's death...
The fact that Courtney specifically told Dylan to check the greenhouse and yet he didn't even tell me about the greenhouse...
The letter on the stairs from Cali seemed phony and didn't make sense...
Document examiners said Courtney wrote the letter on the stairs...
Doubts about Kurt's handwriting on the so-called "suicide note," especially the bottom portion...
The electrician's statement about Kurt's hair appearing to have been combed...
Courtney's motives for possible involvement in Cobain's death?...
She'd get more money from a suicide than from a divorce. With a suicide, Courtney would inherit and control the entire Cobain and Nirvana estate. If Kurt divorced her, she'd have to settle for half, at best, of Kurt's assets...
Kurt's record sales would increase, leaving Courtney with even more income...
And finally, based on what I'd learned about her personality, Kurt's death and the publicity it generated would help Courtney launch her own career.
I asked Sgt. Cameron why he told me the door was locked from the inside, pointing out that the lock was a simple push-in and twist type. "Anyone could have pulled that door shut after locking it!" I added.
"There was a stool wedged up against the door," Sgt. Cameron replied, with a touch of resentment in his voice.
Once again I assumed the police had evidence that Kurt was alone when the shotgun was discharged, but I still had some real problems with this case!
When I asked Sgt. Cameron if I could look at the photographs to see why the electrical supervisor thought Kurt's hair had been combed, he responded, "We haven't developed the photographs and probably never will. We don't develop photographs on suicides."
"Nothing you've said convinces me this is anything but a suicide," Sgt. Cameron informed me as we concluded the meeting.
Continuing The Investigation
I spent the next few weeks trying to determine if my document examiners were correct. Through my own testing I was eventually convinced they were wrong. I concluded Cali did write the letter I found on the stairs at the Lake Washington house. It was not written by Courtney.
One of the document examiners finally admitted her mistake. The other remained firm in her original opinion. I don't believe in the accuracy of the work done by these two document examiners. We want to get to the truth here. I'm not interested in false hype over unreliable evidence.
I called Detective Kirkland and told him the document examiners had made a mistake. He didn't understand the significance in the first place, so it was obvious they had paid little attention to anything I had to say about this case.
I studied media material and found it was full of planted stories and misinformation. One story had Courtney grieving at home, while she was actually calling me from Canyon Ranch in Arizona and bragging to me that she was sleeping with Billy Corgan. This was only three weeks after Kurt died!
Courtney Love On Notice
May 18th, 1994.
I sent Courtney a letter indicating my suspicions about Kurt's death.
Dear Courtney,
I'm sure you know by now that my investigation has been somewhat more active than you might have been aware of. The purpose of this letter is to clarify my position regarding our working relationship.
You may recall our trip to Carnation on Thursday, April 14th. I mentioned during the drive that I was beginning to turn over some "rocks" that I wasn't sure you'd want turned over. I asked you if you wanted me to continue digging. Kat, who was in the back seat, said, "Oh yeah, she wants to know everything." You responded, "Yeah Tom, do what ever it takes. I want to know everything that happened." Your instructions were clear, so in the days and weeks that followed, I proceeded to "do whatever it takes."
As the investigation continued, my attempts to get at the truth often seemed to be deliberately hindered. While reading some of the articles being written in newspapers and magazines, I discovered the information being released to the press was inaccurate and often cleverly misleading.
I consider the circumstances surrounding your husband's death to be highly suspicious. My investigation has exposed a number of inconsistencies in the facts of this case as well as many contradictions in sound logic and common sense. I'm required to report findings such as these to the police, so on Friday, April 15th, I spoke with Sgt. Cameron about some of what I've learned so far.
As I've experienced in past cases, police detectives don't often welcome the work of outside investigators. I've learned it's somewhat idealistic and naive to think the truth might be more important than professional pride.
I've decided to continue working on this case until I see it to its conclusion, without additional charge. Attached you will find an invoice which accounts for the charges billed for our services, including time and expenses. As you can see, prior to my return to Seattle on April 13th, these charges exceeded the retainer amount. However, please consider your bill paid in full. There will be no further charges.
As I pursue the truth regarding the events surrounding your husband's death, your cooperation and assistance will be appreciated, but not required.
Sincerely,
Tom Grant
THE GRANT COMPANY
Maintaining The Lines of Communication.
I anticipated an angry reply from Courtney. Instead, she responded by retaining me to do more work for her! This additional work was unrelated to the investigation into Kurt'™s death, but it was always time consuming and obviously an attempt to keep me on the payroll. Whenever I started talking to people close to Courtney about Kurt's death, she'd hire me to do another job. Courtney had assumed I'd keep quiet as long as the money kept coming in. This became even more obvious as work was completed and she didn't seem to care about the results.
During conversations with Courtney over the next several months, she verbally encouraged me to continue investigating Kurt's death, but often sabotaged my efforts to obtain information.
I took advantage of her somewhat foolish strategy. Courtney wanted me under her wing and in a position where she could keep tabs on what I was doing. That worked for me. It allowed me to stay informed about what she was doing too! Ethically, I had no problem with the arrangement since I'd given her written notice about my suspicions.
Actually, unless she was innocent of any wrong doing in Cobain's death, she really had very few options at this point. Getting angry would just create more suspicion. Cutting off contact would keep her in the dark about what I was doing.
Courtney often told me she thought Kurt was with "Katlin" before he died. Katlin was a drug dealer living in Seattle's Capitol Hill area. Since we had someone watching Katlin's apartment and video taping nearly everyone coming and going, it seemed odd that Courtney had not asked for the surveillance tapes.
At a meeting later in my office in Beverly Hills, Cali told us he checked the greenhouse on Sunday but never looked after that. He said, "It's just a dirty gross little room." The greenhouse is a rather large, clean room. It measures 19' x 23'!
In the May 11th issue of the Seattle Times, Dylan told a Times reporter he didn't know the greenhouse was there. "For all the times I'd been there, I didn't even realize there was a room above it associated with the house." This contradicted the conversation I had with Dylan in the car on the day Kurt was found.
Several weeks later, Courtney told me she gave Cali $30,000 to go to a rehab somewhere back east. She was angry because he took his girlfriend with him. I couldn't help but wonder if this was actually an excuse for a payoff.
Police Reports Bring Startling Revelations
I finally received copies of the police reports. The reports indicated the credit card used by Cobain to purchase the tickets for his flight from Los Angeles to Seattle - the credit card Courtney had canceled but someone was still attempting to use - was not found in his wallet or other property. Kurt had two other Versateller cards in his wallet, along with $120 in cash which was on the floor, and $63 in cash, which was found in Kurt's coat pocket.
Studying the reports further, I discovered misleading information had been given to the police, to me, and to the press.
The Missing Persons report filed by Courtney Love while pretending to be Wendy O'Conner, reads, "Mr. Cobain ran away from California facility and flew back to Seattle. He also bought a shotgun and may be suicidal."
The wording of this report made it sound like he purchased the shotgun AFTER he left the rehab in L.A. The report also failed to mention Kurt was last seen at the Lake Washington house after he left the rehab!
According to the police reports:
The stool Sgt. Cameron said was wedged against the entrance doors, was actually just sitting in front of the unlocked balcony doors on the other side of the room. These doors did not allow access since there's no stairway to that balcony.
As mentioned earlier, the entrance door to the greenhouse had a push and twist lock. Anyone could have locked it and pulled it shut as they left, so Kurt was NOT barricaded in the room as the police had indicated to me and as the media had reported.
Kurt's driver's license had been removed and placed in front of his wallet for a photograph BY AN OFFICER on the scene. Kurt DID NOT leave his license out so his body could be identified as falsely reported in the media.
The first officers on the scene had taken 23 Polaroids. The police DID have photographs they could have shown me!
The canceled credit card was not in Kurt's possession.
There was no attempt in these reports to explain the missing credit card... and yet the case was now closed!
No Legible Prints on the Shotgun!
The police reports also indicated the shotgun had been sent to the crime lab to be checked for fingerprints. The Fingerprint Analysis Report for the shotgun reads: " The above item was processed for prints on 05/06/94 by Sr. ID Technician T. Geranimo, #4466. Four cards of latent prints were lifted. The four cards of lifted latent prints contain no legible prints."
So the shotgun wasn't even checked for prints until nearly one month after Cobain's body was found!
I have to wonder how Kurt could have handled this shotgun before he left for rehab and after he returned to the house without ever leaving any legible finger prints.
More Deaths - More Murders?
June 4, 1994.
Narcotics Detective Terry was murdered. He's the first Seattle police officer to be murdered in the line of duty in nine years. I've read the news reports and although it is quite a coincidence, it doesn't appear Detective Terry's murder is connected to the Cobain case. But, I'd like to know more!
June 15, 1994.
Kristen Pfaff, the bass player for Courtney's band Hole, died of an alleged drug overdose. Her body was found in the bathtub inside the bathroom of her Seattle apartment.
I'm very suspicious of the circumstances of Kristen's death. We know Kurt was leaving Seattle and Courtney when he ended up dead. Kristen was also leaving Seattle and Courtney when she ended up dead. She had a U-Haul trailer all packed and loaded. She was leaving the next morning, going back to Minneapolis.
During a media interview Courtney said she had to drag Eric away from Kristen's body. So we know Courtney was in Seattle at the time of Kristen's death. Was Kristen's death just a coincidence?... or was it murder?
"Copy-cat Suicides"
Reports of so-called copycat suicides continue to surface. Many of Kurt's fans are having difficulty dealing with his alleged "suicide" and feel if he thought suicide was the answer for his problems, then they'd solve their problems the same way.
I'm appalled that no one in the Cobain camp is speaking out about this, trying to put a stop to these senseless deaths.
Another Coincidence?
June 17, 1994.
The original so-called "suicide" note from Kurt's death was returned to Courtney. The police also returned the note from Rome at this time. Courtney had given the Rome note to the police for handwriting comparison. I find it interesting that the police would return some of the last pieces of physical evidence relating to Cobain's death to Courtney, immediately after Kristen Pfaff was found dead!
Gag Orders
As my investigation continued from Beverly Hills, I tried to get Cali back in for additional questioning. He was living in Los Angeles at the time, so it would have been convenient for him to come to my office.
Every time I started to focus on Cali, Courtney would give me another time consuming job unrelated to this case.
Courtney eventually tried to get me to sign a confidentiality agreement. I told her to send me a copy and I'd look at it. But, I added, "I'm not going to sign anything that could interfere with my investigation."
Courtney also said she wanted to get Cali and another friend of hers by the name of Renee Naverette, to sign a confidentiality agreement. She said, "Everyone who works for me has to sign it."
Why now? I wondered. She's known Cali for years!
The Rolling Stone Interview
December 15, 1994
This issue of Rolling Stone featured an interview with Courtney Love by David Fricke. This was one of the most interesting interviews I've read so far. It describes Courtney's mind-set and reveals what I consider to be a psychopathic personality.
Throughout this interview, Courtney seems preoccupied with convincing everyone how suicidal Kurt was. She tells a story about Kurt bringing a gun to the hospital room when Frances was born and she heroically grabbed the gun from him and said, "I'll go first, I can't have you do it first. I'll go first."
This whole story is difficult to believe. I find it interesting that Courtney was so absorbed in promoting the image of Kurt's suicidal tendencies right after his beautiful daughter was born, that she showed no concern at all for the fact that Frances would grow up hearing this horror story once it got published. It certainly wouldn't be the best thing for her self-esteem.
So now we learn... there was another Note!
Questions about Kurt's so-called "suicide note" were also raised by David Fricke during the Rolling Stone interview with Courtney. Feeling pressured to explain why the note was so confusing and not really suicidal, Courtney finally admitted Kurt also left her another note!
Oh really!!
During a taped telephone conversation between her and I on January 19, 1995, I asked Courtney about this "other" note. She claimed she found it on her bed under a pillow. I know this is not true because Thursday morning, well after the time of Kurt's death, I looked under the pillows. I also looked under the bed and between the mattresses. That's where I found a package of the drug Rohypnol that I later told Courtney about. Dylan and I were looking everywhere for drugs and drug paraphernalia that might indicate whether or not Kurt had been in the house recently.
I asked her why she didn't tell me about the "other" note when she found it, or even some time later. After all, she had indicated she wanted me to investigate her husband's death. I couldn't understand why she'd withhold such a vital piece of evidence! Courtney said she didn't think it was necessary.
"I told Sgt. Cameron about it," she told me. "And I told Rosemary about it." Another obvious lie!
If the police knew right away about this "other" note, it would have been listed as evidence and mentioned in the police reports. If Rosemary Carroll would have known about it during the first few months after Cobain's death, she certainly would have told me. She had put her career and relationship with Courtney at risk to provide me with evidence, including Courtney's phone records from the Peninsula Hotel. She was working closely with me to find out what happened. Rosemary was telling me everything else. There's no way she would have kept details of this "second note" from me!
Even more important however, is what the second note says. Courtney admitted to me it wasn't suicidal. She quoted some lines to Rolling Stone, "You know I love you, I love Frances, I'm so sorry. Please don't follow me... I'll be there, I'll protect you. I don't know where I'm going, I just can't be here anymore."
So the reason why Courtney initially kept the second note secret from everyone is obvious: the second note clarifies that the first note (found by police at the scene) was simply Kurt's retirement letter written to his fans. Kurt was quitting the music business, he was leaving Courtney and he was leaving Seattle. That's all he was doing... and Courtney knew it!
There was no actual "suicide" note. In fact, several handwritting experts who have examined the the alleged "suicide" note, have concluded the words at the bottom, "which will be so much happier without me," appear to have been added to the note by another hand.
My own tests with that so-called "suicide" note indicated that when it is enlarged on a copy machine, the inconsitencies become even more clear. The ink printed line of that one critical comment, ("which will be so much happier without me"), are thinner than all of the ink printed lines in the rest of the note. At the very least, this indicates that line was added after the rest of the note was completed. The pressure from the hand using the pen to add that line was not consistent with the pressure from the hand that wrote the body of the note.
What About The Note From The Rome Incident?
During the taped conversation I had with her on January 19, 1995, Courtney told me the Rome note mostly just "trashes" her. But, she claimed, "It says one thing very definitely suicidal." Then Courtney quotes a line from the note written to her by Kurt in Rome.
"Dr. Baker says I would have to choose between life and death. I'm choosing death."
If this statement really is in the Rome note, what does it mean? To think that the doctor was telling Kurt that suicide was some kind of an option is absurd! I've never known a doctor to recommend suicide as a cure for drug addiction. Have you? I think it's obvious to any person with the least bit of common sense, this Doctor was simply telling Kurt that if he doesn't get off drugs, he'd eventually die from using them.
Unfortunately, Kurt was severely addicted to heroin. I believe Kurt's response meant that he was going to do what he wanted, even if he might eventually die from his drug addiction. Heroin withdrawal involves physical pain and torment. This would be a typical response from a severe heroin addict who was afraid or wasn't ready to kick an overwhelming heroin addiction.
A self-destructive comment? Yes. But, suicidal? No. Ask any therapist. There's a huge difference between the two.
A simple statement from Kurt that he would make his own choices in life, even if it meant the use of heroin might eventually kill him, got twisted by Courtney into something she thought she could use to convince everyone, "He wanted to kill himself."
Keep in mind, the incident in Rome was never called a suicide attempt, by anyone, until AFTER Kurt died in Seattle.
The doctor in Rome even said he believed the overdose was an accident. Dr. Galleta says, "The last image I have of him, which in light of the tragedy now seems pathetic, is of a young man playing with the little girl. He did not seem like a young man who wanted to end it all."
In a recently released book "COBAIN" by the editors of Rolling Stone, Neil Strauss writes regarding the Rome event, "Gold Mountain, [Nirvana's management company], still denies that a suicide attempt was made. A note was found, says a company spokesman, but Kurt insisted it wasn't a suicide note. He just took all of his and Courtney's money and was going to run away and disappear."
Was it or wasn't it? Well, Kurt Cobain,the person who wrote the note, insisted it was NOT a suicide note.
What more do we need here?!
Now if Kurt was lying, Courtney could simply release the note from Rome to the public. That would prove she was telling the truth! It would prove Kurt DID try to commit suicide in Rome.
But there's a little problem here. On January 19, 1995, during a tape recorded telephone conversation, Courtney told me that when the police returned the note from Rome to her, Sgt. Cameron said, "This will never do you any good. I'd get rid of this if I were you."
"So," Courtney says. . . "I burned it!"
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| Frances Bean and Cobain Courtney Love |
